Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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