I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
