mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
