omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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