24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
they call him Oral-B. enough said
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
