garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Found the puke drawer
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
