I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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