dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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