Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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