I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Your dad touched me again.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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