chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
