hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
