I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
MIDGETS
????
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
