Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
