I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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