I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think my mom watched the whole time
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
