Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I would fuck him just for his dog
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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