The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
