I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
