Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
