final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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