I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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