He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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