OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
