Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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