i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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