Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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