i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
