I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
