Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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