We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
