Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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