someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
