Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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