Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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