those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
