help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
