Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
