I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
