im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
