NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
