I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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