If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize