I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
