You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
