My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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