I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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