if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
