'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
