wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Damn victory sex feels great
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
