It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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