Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
