Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think my fart just growled at me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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