i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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