All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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