i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
