he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
