i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
