you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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