Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
