No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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