did you get engaged???
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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