When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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