he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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