I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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