he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
