is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
