you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
