what day is it and did you see me today?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
