Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
do nipples grow back?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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