New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
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I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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