When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
