we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
