two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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