I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
