I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
