before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
