but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
