Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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