well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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